7 Ways Abusers Manipulate Others

Why do we go back to the people who abused us? Why do we go back after being attacked? The answer can be found in the many manipulative strategies that abusers use. These strategies are subtle. In the heat of battle they overwhelm us with doubt and despair. In these moments, we are more vulnerable and easier to manipulate than ever.

Manipulative Strategies

In this article, we want to take a look at the manipulative strategies that abusers use. Perhaps these are also used by you. Sometimes we even use them on ourselves, without realizing it. This happens because deep down we want things to happen in a specific way.

1.When you don’t do what I want, I get angry

When the other feels that he/she cannot defend himself/herself, he/she chooses to get angry. This happens especially when he/she feels offended or intimidated.

By doing this, such people turn the situation around. They try to make you feel like it’s your fault. This will make you apologize and force you to change your actions. All this happens without you realizing it and you subordinate yourself to the other.

2. I never said you’re right

This is one of the most painful and confusing forms of manipulation. Abusers use phrases like “I never said that” or “Don’t you remember what you said?” These actions cause the victim to doubt his/her own reality.

This often happens, with the result that some victims of abuse will excuse themselves to friends and explain their own perspective on the situation. This allows them to find out that it is all their own imagination, or not.

3. I did that because I love you

Be careful with this justification, especially if it’s used to justify pinching, kicking, or other forms of insults.

When a person raises his/her hand against you, when he/she tries to manipulate or control you, tries to deprive you of your freedom, is constantly jealous or tries to humiliate you, be careful… This is not love. 

Keeping someone unconditional is different from obsessively trying to maintain control. When we really love someone, it doesn’t matter if they are with us or not. What is most important is that your partner is happy.

4. You know what happens when you do

There are several phrases that abusers use for emotional blackmail. It’s like “If you don’t do that now, it will happen next time” or “If you don’t date me, I’ll kill myself.”

By doing this, the abuser wants to make the victim feel responsible. The abuser tries to force and scare the other person into going out with him/her. Even if it’s not what the victim wants, the abuser craves control.

5. I promise I will never do it again

Often when your partner hurts or abuses you, he/she promises change. “Believe me, it won’t happen again.” Be careful when your partner has loose hands and tries to manipulate and control you. At this point,  trust, love and respect are gone.

It’s nice to think that people can change, but in this situation it’s just a fantasy. If he/she has already hit you, there is no reason not to do it again.

6. Abusers want you to answer NOW

All abusers try to take your time to think and rationalize. In this way they ensure their victory. That is why it is very important to get the space. Fight for the space you need to get a good perspective on the situation.

Abusers force you to make a decision now. This is nothing more than one of the manipulative strategies.

7. Your friends are not good enough for you

Abusers know to keep their victims away from friends and people they love. These are the people who can help the victim escape the situation. Therefore, they will try to keep you away from the people you love most. They may make up stories about these people so that your view of these people changes.

Soon you will start to think that you do not need these people in your life. You may even start to think that your partner is the only person in your life that you need to focus on. This happens when you think the rest isn’t important.

Pay attention

Be careful… in this situation you will be controlled by a real manipulator. What stings most is that you don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late. This happens because the abuser is taking his time, rather than exposing everything at once. He/she starts by slowly getting angry, making you doubt, saying “I love you” and other tricks. In this way he/she tries to catch you in his/her net.

The sooner you open your eyes, the better.