Positivity Is The Key To The Good Stuff

Most of us have heard of positive psychology, and some may even be applying positivity to their daily lives. In this way, people try to achieve happiness and attract good things to themselves.

Since psychologist Martin Seligman released his book Learned Optimism in 1990, positivity has received significant attention and relevance in the book world. As a result, the world of personal growth also received more attention.

The most interesting contribution positive psychology made in its day was that it took our attention away from our pathological problems. Instead , it focused on our inner powers.

Subsequently, concepts such as resilience, motivation, gratitude or emotional intelligence have become very well known and useful.

But now we see that all these things that were once, without a doubt, very influential and relevant are starting to become less and less so.

The reason for this is simple: in times of crisis, of change, and of social and economic ups and downs, the theory of positivity loses some of its luster. 

More and more psychologists and sociologists think it’s time to stop the ‘rule’ of positivity in personal growth.

However, it is not about us replacing it. On the contrary, we have to rephrase it. We also need to recognize that sometimes it is not enough to just send out positive thoughts to change things.

Positivity does not guarantee good things and success

For a long time, positive thinking was the strategy used to teach us to be happy.  It taught us that forgiveness, kindness, and altruism can counteract negative emotions such as anger, rage, and sadness.

Many of these ideas stem from the principle of ‘change a thought to change an emotion’. When we change the frequency of our emotions, we can improve our reality.

Although positivity seems very inspiring, the reality is unfortunately a lot more complicated. Life is made up of a lot of subtle nuances. We have all come across some of these:

• When I go for a job interview, I try to stay as positive as possible. I have confidence and put my best foot forward. But positive thoughts don’t guarantee I’ll get the job.
• I always gave the best of myself to my partner and always had faith in our life project. My attitude was positive, brave and thoughtful. However, this was not enough for the relationship to succeed.
• I am well educated, have great final grades on my diploma and was always top of my class. However, none of this helped me get a good job.

There is one thing we need to understand. Positivity is always important. Yet it is also necessary to learn to deal better with adversity in our daily lives.

Good things always come with a little ‘pitfall’ that you have to accept

Good things don’t always happen to the people who deserve them the most. In fact, sometimes our most kind and honest friends and relatives have had to go through the most devastating situations.

Why is this happening?

It is worth pointing out that the law of attraction does not always provide positive results. Wanting something is not enough to achieve it. Positivity is not a guarantee.

In addition to thinking positively, we must learn to develop a strong, flexible, brave and resilient attitude.

Books like The Happiness Trap , written by Russ Harris, explain this in a very simple and illustrative way:

• The society we live in ‘sells’ us the idea that we should always stay positive. That we should always focus on positive emotions, thoughts and happiness.
• However, if we let ourselves be guided by this way of thinking, we will become obsessed with the idea of ​​happiness. Subsequently, we are unable to deal with frustration, discomfort and negative emotions.

We should not ignore this last point. Especially not because of the intricacies of our personal reality. Life is accompanied by competitive, changing and demanding circumstances.

We are forced to deal with adversity almost every day.

Positivity also means accepting negative emotions

I know there will be gray days when nothing seems to go right. Days when I feel rejected. Which I will be wrong. Days when I lose something. Where I lose everything. To which I or others say hello.

Days when we are forced to be strong, not just ‘positive’.

• It is important for our personal growth that we know and understand this.

• Anyone obsessed with happiness but unable to bear loss, disappointment, or sadness is unlikely to grow or progress. Nor will he be able to bring about inner peace and a sense of well-being.

It’s not about feeding pessimism. But it means that you can recognize the negative consequences in life.

We must make the most of those devastating moments and overcome them. We need to fight for our happiness in a more mature, realistic and objective way.

In conclusion: sometimes it is not enough to only have an eye for positivity to attract beautiful and good things to you in life. 

Sometimes bad things just come our way. But we have to accept this and deal with it. This way, the good things can come to us again in the future.